Sorry it's been some time since I blogged, been super super busy!
But to update, I'm going to the BRIT awards soon :D and I need a new dress/outfit. I am praying so hard, that someone up there has been good to me and allowed me to lose enough weight to fit into a size 6. I mean i tend to, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I don't want that to occur! I need to look super hot, otherwise I'm just gonna be an average joe amongst other average joe's. No thank you.
I think that's part of my eating disorder, I know I have one, (is it weird to think about the fact that I have one?) I'm not perfect, but I want to be, most people will say it's unachievable but I'm gonna damn well try. The thing is, it's not like no one see's me, I'm normal with amazing friends and I go to an amazing school it's just I've had this for 2 years and I've been pretty content just working towards my goal. There is no better feeling than when someone says to you "Have you lost weight?" or "You're so skinny!" or "I wish I had your figure" I live to hear those words and they just spur me on!
But moving on, I'm going shopping on saturday to find an outfit and fingers crossed I fit! I will literally, not go if I don't get the size 6. I'll come back and blog as soon as I know, I may need your support if it doesn't go well.
So guys, group diet? I think it might work since competitiveness always works! I'm not saying bad competitiveness, I mean good competitiveness lol. So we'll put together a strict diet and all do it. That way, when you go to toast that piece of bread and spread it with thick fatty butter you'll think twice, as when you get on the blogs, you'll see that others have made it through the day and are losing their pounds while you're piling them on. That will be the worst feeling. I think it may work...
I'm so happy right now, it was a good day, no purging, no binging, no fatty foods, no food at all actually just... chewing gum. No well actually that's a lie, I ate a rice cake. But apart from that, nothing! I just want to say, I know I've only got 8 followers at the moment but you guys have really helped already, I'm so glad you're here to talk to and I really hope we do this together cause it's not like I can talk to my friends here about it, I really just love having people I can talk to, people who relate to me, motivation is the key, so here's some for you :D
There's only one word to describe today... FAT. I'm actually embaressed to tell you. I was doing so well, I'd had an apple, water, a chewee bar (92 calories) and a coffee. I WAS meant to stop at that but nooooo, my friends decide to go to McDonalds Drive Thru on the way home, I'm such a sucker for a macky d's burger and fries. And it's not like the diet coke made it any healthier. I'm such a PIG, however don't judge me because I plan to throw it all up once I get off of this. But also don't judge me for purging, please, I feel bad enough for doing it, it's messing me up bigtime I can feel it. But, it's the price I have to pay for being soooo stupid.
I did 200 crunches last night, I'm aiming for 300 tonight cause any form of exercise needs to be done NOW! And I had no dance lessons today, just singing, so i know i haven't worked anything off.
Fast tomorrow, loads of water hopefully, anyone know how to feel full without actually being full? Chewing gum maybe?
On a lighter happier note my friend asked if I'd lost weight :D apparently my legs look "really skinny", I should be satisfied but to her "really skinny" isn't actually really skinny. I count it as pretty normal, so technically I just look average... does that make sense? Hopefully tomorrow I'll be so occupied that food won't even cross over my mind, where is my willpower?
Anyway not to put you off but I'm going to go and get rid of that mcdonalds i ate about 20minutes ago before it can be digested properly. Even I'm a little disgusted by what I just said.
I took the liberty of adding a few more pictures :D I always appreciate thinspo so I can add to my own folders. Hopefully this is satisfying for you. Stay strong my beauties.
So, my dad bought two large pizzas home the other day, clearly someone up there hates me.
So I'm trying very hard to resist and I'm doing quite well, glass after glass of water goes by and I'm so full on H20 that i couldn't possibly think about food.
Then my sister, damn her, pulls chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. YOU'RE KIDDING ME RIGHT? Now, I'm basically hiding in my room to keep away from that chocolate chip smell. And then the door bells rings, I open it and phew! it's just mum rather than another pizza delivery guy, oh, no, wait, what's that? what's that in your hand? S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G. The bain of my life. When the fridge, freezer and cupboards get refilled with things I cannot resist. It may have just been the worst day of my life.
So I ended up binging and purging, not just on the shopping but the pizza and cookies as well.
Then funnily enough, I weighed myself this morning and BAM! 7lbs lighter than christmas, 126lbs. I've giving myself fortnightly targets, within the next two weeks I want to be 119lbs.
I think you guys should totally message me and we can do this together, it's so much more worth it when there's someone to do it with :D
So we just had a sleepover, ate chinese and every other fatty food you can find. I managed to get away and sick it all up, (i know mia is SO bad for you, but i had to! i'd been sooo bad!) and well we woke up and started comparing morning stomachs.
I managed to lift my tshirt a centimetre from my trousers but stopped there only because im purely disgusted by my stomach but they didn't notice, thank god! then we started discussing weight and this actually made my day, i'm the tallest by about an inch and a half and i weighed the same as my friend one of which is like 5ft whereas im 5"7.5ft. AND im toned in places muscle does weigh more than fat right? Or am i just being optimistic?
Well that's why i'm a tiny bit happy, but that doesn't mean I'm stopping now! NO WAY. I'm on my way to being the thinnest and lightest, it's only now beginning really! We've got a show soon, hopefully I'm skinny enough by then. 115lbs hopefully, once I get there then we'll see how it goes but that's my goal for now.
Oh and did I tell you about Jay?? Jay was most likely heavier than me a year ago, now however, WOW some of my friends call her "anorexic" but she's hardly that, more... erm... PERFECT! I never see her eat, lucky, i wish i had that will power. I know she blatantly has an ed but discussing it with her would be soo weird, especially as we're not THAT close.
I would post a picture of her, but that's a bit unfair to her. So here's some thinspo instead. Follow Me :D
Well I'm not too sure what to write so i'm just going to ramble. It's the week after christmas holidays and I think it took its toll. The second week I managed to get a grip and sneak away when I could to throw up but going back to school really did the job, being occupied is such a help. That way i just don't think about food.
I've also been doing a lot of exercise at night and in the morning so my parents don't notice how much I'm pushing myself, I learnt this from "Perfect Body" the movie on youtube, there are soooo many ed films out there I had no idea. Of course in the end they always get better but, that really hasn't convinced me to stop yet. Another good one also on youtube is "Sharing The Secret" and "A Secret Between Friends" of course the acting isn't great but it helps me to remind myself why I do it
Anyway gotta run, need to finish tidying my room. Thinspo?
I've had ana and mia for about 2 years now. It's been up and down but right now it's full on. I go to a performing arts school where i'm constantly surrounded by tiny dancers which doesn't make it easier. I'm so determined, watch me do it :D